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County Recruits Child Labor to Save on Recycling Costs
In a shocking move, the county announced replacing their recycling center workers with child labor. The county cited the need for more...
danvilledanky
May 8, 20231 min read
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City Officials Declare Potholes as Latest Tourist Attraction
In a surprising turn of events, city officials have announced that potholes are the newest addition to the list of tourist attractions in...
danvilledanky
May 8, 20231 min read
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Downtown Danville Parking: A Real-Life Game of Tetris
In a stunning turn of events, the city of downtown announced that they would launch a new initiative plan to combat their notoriously...
danvilledanky
May 3, 20231 min read
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Breaking News! - Tease the Bear, Get a Scare: A New Trend Amongst Daredevils
Source WYMT.com In recent news, there has been a concerning trend of individuals teasing bears to get them to chase after them. This has...
danvilledanky
May 3, 20231 min read
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Local Fire Department Takes a Page from the Military: Buys Assault Firetruck
According to the fire chief, the truck is designed to quickly and efficiently extinguish fires, with features like a water cannon and...
danvilledanky
May 3, 20231 min read
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Local News Boy, 13, Gets Stuck Climbing into Claw Machine for Prize
A 13-year-old boy had to be rescued by firefighters after getting stuck inside a claw machine while trying to win a stuffed animal....
danvilledanky
May 1, 20231 min read
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1st Saturday In May is Throw Your Old Car Battery In the Lake Day
The annual Danville holiday, which falls on the first Saturday of May, encourages people to toss their used car batteries into their...
danvilledanky
May 1, 20231 min read
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Danville Man Learns the Hard Way That Meth and M&M's Don't Mix
In a bizarre turn of events, a Danville man learned the hard way that meth and M&M candies do not mix. The man reportedly mistook his...
danvilledanky
May 1, 20231 min read
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Mustache You a Question: Fire Department Now Hiring Based on Facial Hair Criteria
According to the fire chief, the mustache is an important indicator of a firefighter's strength and bravery. "We've found that...
danvilledanky
May 1, 20231 min read
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Man Accidentally Runs Marathon While Playing Pokemon Go
John Smith was on his daily walk in the park when he spotted a rare Pikachu on his Pokemon Go app. He ran after it, not realizing he had...
danvilledanky
May 1, 20231 min read
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Police Beg Public to Stop Confessing to Crimes
Police Beg Public to Stop Confessing to Crimes
danvilledanky
Apr 27, 20231 min read
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Walmart's 'Serial Bread Sitter' Strikes AGAIN, Police Struggle to Catch Culprit"
Walmart's 'Serial Bread Sitter' Continues Her Reign of Yeasty Terror, Police Struggle to Catch Culprit. In a bizarre turn of events,...
danvilledanky
Apr 21, 20232 min read
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Bigfoot Spotted Fishing in Millennium Park Pond Without a Fishing License, Ignites Debate on Cryptid
Residents of the small town of Danville were left stunned when they spotted Bigfoot fishing in a local park pond without a valid fishing...
danvilledanky
Apr 21, 20231 min read
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Residents of a local nursing home got quite the surprise when an alligator was discovered hiding und
Residents of a local nursing home were surprised when an alligator was discovered hiding under some beach chairs on the patio. According...
danvilledanky
Apr 20, 20231 min read
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Local Man Catches Rare Pigfish in City Pond, Promptly Declared a Fishing Legend
In a stunning display of fishing prowess, local resident Joe Smith has caught a rare pigfish in the unlikely location of the Millennium Park
danvilledanky
Apr 20, 20232 min read
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Local Nudist Association to Host Annual Plant Sale - "Come for the flowers, stay for the nudity!"
The local nudist association is hosting its annual plant sale this weekend. They invite everyone to come out and enjoy the beautiful...
danvilledanky
Apr 20, 20231 min read
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